...Please don't go, we'll eat you up we love you so...

My reflections on the passing of Maurice Sendak, beloved children's author, can be found on the Times of Israel website:

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/please-dont-go-well-eat-you-up-we-love-you-so/

After Party

בס"ד

It was Saturday night, and I was tired. Aaron, one of my best friends, had gotten married a few days prior to my late shift. A lot of time that had been set aside for school work had been relocated for the various preparations we had taken upon ourselves for his wedding. This in turn had resulted in losing an incredible amount of time that had been relegated for sleep. Since Thursday morning, the (in)famous DZ and NZ and myself had been hanging out with each other and Aaron in various combinations. Good food, better spirits, and a great time were had by all, but by the time the Motzei Shabbat late shift rolled around, my eyelids were being held open by Olympian will and my liver was still processing the large, high-quality quantities of Thursday’s nuptial cheer.

Which is why at 2:30 in the morning, when I found myself completing the liter of beer I had started two glasses ago, I had to cock an eyebrow at myself. But it was late, and if I was going to be hanging out alone with the taps for another hour and a half, I was going to make the most out of it. For a brief second it had crossed my mind that drinking alone is the first sign of alcoholism, but hey, I’m a professional.

Relative for a Saturday night, business had hit a hard lull- especially considering the perfect jacket weather outside. An hour so before, DZ and NZ had returned for a wedding after-party (sans bride and groom), but since their departure the Slow had really begun to live up to its name. A few other friends of mine had stopped in and then decided it was too late to drink, leaving five minutes after arriving, and taking the last of the customers with them.

Candles from the empty tables cast small flickering shadows on the red walls, and the chairs stood silently, empty skeletons aglow in the permanent dusk of the quiet pub. Moshe forbids us to close before the official closing time (4am weekend, 3am regular days), but I try to leave as soon as the display blinks with the appropriate time, so I began to do whatever I could to hasten the end of the shift. While wiping down the assortment of mismatched café tables, dreaming of cute girls from the wedding and trying to gauge bothmy feelings and chances, my 100 strong “bar appropriate” playlist continued its lengthy shuffle.

Soon, Sublime attacked the stereo with “What I Got”. I shoot a glance around the bar and out onto the street. Empty. The soft acoustic beginning rolled into the song’s famous reggae-rap, and my body, sore and well-worn from the celebration of new love and new life, began to move of its own accord. Nobody was around to interfere, to be stepped on or bumped into. I pranced around the larger area of the bar, in the large aisle that separates tables 9, 10, 11, 12 (whose placement on the computer screen changes every night), breaking moves and popping with the beat. Legs crossed with knees bent, propelling my body with a quick jump. Front leg, back leg, an Irish jig of a shuffle moving me from one end of the small room to the other.

The bar became my ball room, the canvas for my redefinition of movement. With a kick and push, I challenged the wall’s dancing shadows with my creativity. Alone in the Slow, the complex emotions of the week released themselves through my legs for five minutes before I forced myself to stop- I preferred not to sweat into the pints I might have had to pour with the entrance of a last minute customer. But Good Lord in Heaven, I had never danced so well. 

A Slow Purim

BS”D

Every character in Jerusalem was on the dance floor on Thursday night. Moshe had emptied out the tables of the bottom level of the bar, leaving a scant perimeter of chairs around the cramped makeshift dance floor. Stars of film, fiction, and the day-to-day shuffle mingled with the Nachlaot strange-folk (dressed in clothing only slightly stranger than what they might on normal day). While they moved to the reggae-heavy beats that the DJ sent down from the upper gallery, the three of us manning the bar handled a flow of orders, a flow of beer, and a computer controlled cash register that shorted out on us during the busiest night of the year.

From midnight until the six o’clock AM- last customer closing, the crowd’s numbers stayed steady. Every hour and a half we would be granted a fifteen minute lull, catch our breath and a quick dance of our own, and then greet the newest batch of late-night party seekers.

During one such lull, the floor condensed to a ten person circle. As the music slowed from a hop to a reggae-groove, they began a slow dance, a ragga-style conga line around the room. From the bar I noticed that the cute cowgirl who had been doing a reggae-prance since my arrival, had traded her 10 gallon hat for the golden leaves of one of the many Caesars who were drinking Goldstar as if it was ambrosia.

“Hmmm,” I thought to myself as I look her over, focused (for an admitted change) on her head gear, “she’s gone and made herself a queen.”

My brain stopped, spun a fast rewind, and replayed my last thought. Light went off in my brain as I realized that she is a Purim ideal personified.

According to Kabalistic belief, after the creation of man, it was necessary for G-d to reduce his presence in the world. To stand next to eternal glory would cripple man’s ability to exist on his own. G-d’s powers outshine the abilities of man, and required that He shrink his worldly presence so that man might have creative space. In the Purim story that appears in Megillat Esther (The Scroll of Esther- read twice on Purim), G-d’s name is famously omitted. The sages explain that this is to stress the repentance of the Jewish people of the time, something that was done independent of G-d. They continue by explaining that the Big Man appears in a clouded allusion every time the word “HaMelech”(The king appears). His role is the background, as stage crew, pulling the strings for the happy ending at the end of the story. While the newly crowned cow-queen dance around the room, it dawned on me that maybe G-d takes this backseat to allow us the chance to claim our royalty- much like Mordechai and Esther did back then in Persia.

The importance of this coronation is rooted in the controversial holy war that the Jewish people is commanded to wage against the nation of Amalek. Though many have described this as a physical war, Chassidim view it as a war of the spirit. Amalek claimed their “most wanted” status on the Jewish hit-list after they attacked the recently freed children of Israel during their desert trek. By first attacking the weak rear of the young Jewish nation, they anointed themselves as archetypal enemies. Chassidic sages expound on the Amalekite tactics and explain that the trait of Amalek is the destruction of self-esteem; knocking a free man back into slavery, turning king into pauper. To fight against Amalek, according to the Chassidim, is to fight against the instinct to belittle your fellow human being, or in some cases, yourself.

There is always a tikun though, a way to fix troubling instincts. As the great Rabbi Nachman of Breslov teaches:

“As long as the candle burns, one has the ability to fix.”

Slow Moshe’s Purim party ended at sunrise, the dawn of a new day and new opportunities. After cleaning up the sticky layer of dirt coating the bar’s floor, I stumbled through the day’s commandments. Aside from the reading of Megillat Esther, we are required to give both monetary gifts to the poor and edible gifts to friends. Throughout my efforts I was reminded of another story by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach:

Once, a rich miser was approached by a group of rabbis to donate money for a poor, soon-to-be-wed couple. He responded by offering them a single ruble. One of the rabbis eagerly accepted the meager offering, shocking his disappointed counterparts. Before the rabbi could offer an explanation, the miser returned with more money, eventually giving them all that was needed for a festive celebration. When pressed to explain, the rabbi told his peers that sometimes you just need to help a person learn to give even the tiniest bit. After that, the floodgates of good open with full force.

Though asleep on my feet for most of the day, I could feel those floodgates open and send a surge of blue blood through my veins. I had gone from being a student working late night bar shifts to being the town’s greatest benefactor. It was an intoxicating feeling of power, but one that could only result in good. Looking back on the royal cowgirl, I realized that this was Amalek’s Purim tikun. Kingship affords self-esteem. It enables belief and trust in place of skepticism and doubt, and allows us to channel our new found abilities into the lives of others. When used correctly, wealth and treasure can be the best type of double-edged sword, bequeathing a sense of importance and happiness to both the giver and receiver. 

A crown for all to wear.

Patrons you want to kill, patrons you want to hug

BS”D

Israel’s weekend begins on Friday, in preparation for Shabbat (The Saturday Sabbath), which means that Thursday night is the Saturday night of Israel. Slow Moshe was packed when I arrived at 11. Ron, Moshe’s son, was manning the taps, and I quickly jumped in to help him ease the pressure on the bar. Glasses filled the sink, and others were scattered throughout the dimly-lit room, turning dish-washing into a Sisyphean act of cleaning and collecting. On one of my rounds of collection, the three cute American girls sitting at the mini-bar extended their pretzel bowl. With a smile I knew all too well, they asked for a refill. Every man knows and that look and tone of voice. It is one that says “I’m not actually interested in you, but I know that if I act like I am I’ll get what I want.” Cursing them in my head, my legs turned to jelly, and the optimist in me began his useless wrestle with his realist counterpart.

About a minute after I refilled their bowl (what would prove to be yet another Sisyphean bar task), the girls turned their eyes to a pair of guys who had just entered the bar. They pointed, laughed, and whispered, and I once again muttered a string of choice words to myself. Unphased, the two newcomers shot them a glance, spoke to them for a minute, and began looking for a table.

“Hey man, any room on the bar?”

I responded in the negative, and directed them to the upstairs gallery. Upon bringing them their beer and pretzels, I discovered that they were quick to surround themselves with another group of girls. This barman always seems to go barefoot.  

Glasses came in to be washed, and went back out filled with beer. Two bags of pretzels were finished by hungry customers. The American girls in the corner sat by their table with their empty glasses and sweetly asked for more pretzel refills before paying for a beer a piece. Two hours passed with barely a moment of calm. As the girls filed out leaving neither tip nor numbers, the gallery began to empty out as well. Patrons began a bar-table version of musical chairs, shuffling through the newly available spots. With seats open at the bar, the two guys from earlier on moved in and sat in front of me.

We chatted and exchanged information on life. Their names werer NZ and DZ, and though they were not blood brothers they went through the grind of both Elementary and High-School together in Jerusalem, and werepractically related. NZ had a tough week and came to the Slow to let off some steam. He began to tell both DZ and myself what he has been up to, taking advantage of the psychology major awarded to any fool who steps behind the bar.  For the most part I tossed my comments and answered their questions with my back to them, busy cleaning the steady stream of glasses that piled in as our conversation flowed. One of them passed me the bowl for a pretzel refill. Naturally, I complied, but with the pretzels running low I had to skimp a bit. He shot me a glance and said something about me not needing to be a miser. Shaking my head, I top off the bowl.

Thank G-d, business was good and there was not a dull moment. Aside from fetching glasses and lighting candles, I had plenty of order to fill as well. A loud cough sounded from behind my back. Turning around, I discovered an outstretched hand with an upgraded pretzel bowl- DZ had swapped the two person version for the three plus version. His grinning chuckle let me know that he expected it to be refilled to the brim.

This went on for a while. To their credit, DZ and NZ ordered a lot, and began racking up the biggest bill (at least per person) that I had yet to see at the Slow. They also managed to devour full bowls of pretzels within seconds. Every time I turned around they handed me the bowl. When I didn’t turn around, they cleared their throat to get my attention.  A few more drinks, and probably a full bag of pretzels later, they got up and began to do something that nobody should ever attempt- drunken dancing. DZ is a burly guy but had managed to get a few moves down, and NZ wanted to learn from him. Crammed between the bar stools and the stairwell wall, with just enough room for someone to push his/her way through to the bathroom, they began to hop, skip, and jump. After bumping into the dark red wall, each other, and the bar stools,  they fell over into their own seats, reached for the empty pretzel bowl, and asked me for more.

DZ and NZ ended up staying until closing time, sipping high-content cocktails, and of course, munching on pretzels.  At some point they remarked that I probably never wanted to see them again in the bar.

“Ha ha,” they laughed. “He’ll probably hang up a sign with our picture over a ‘Don’t Serve’ caption.”

As if. When our two most obnoxious customers happen to be two of your best friends, well, late shifts don’t get any better than that.

Sparks

Ayal was the only person in the bar. It was eight o'clock, way too early for anyone else to stop in for a beer. I had just finished slicing the lemons and was slightly bored, so I grabbed my glass of Goldstar and pulled up one the metal chairs to his table. He smiled, and looked me over, from my kippa (skullcap) to my tzitzit (ritual fringes). 

"What are you doing working here?" he asked.

I knew what he was getting at. His sad, brown, Yemenite eyes had focused on the fringes sticking out from my shirt. Standard response to my job description by a religious adult is to cock an eyebrow. My Hebrew teacher in the States explained to me that your social circle largely revolves around who you are with, and that rolling with a crew of bartenders looks bad on the shidduch-resume. Others have wondered if I am about to shake my skull loose from its cap, like others in my yeshiva have done since leaving. To me the answer was simple, and a genuine continuation of what I had been taught in yeshiva. 

"Somebody's gotta raise the sparks, no?" I replied. 

An explanation might be required: 

According to Chassidic belief, before Creation, the good of the soon-to-be world was held as a powerful light inside vessels of G-d's making. Like any container that holds an ever-growing energy, these eventually exploded, showering the universe with shards and sparks that fell to the baby world. Our job in the world is to search for the sparks amongst the glass, the beauty and holiness within the mundane and even profane, and to raise them to their deserved level. 

Ayal smiled, and raised his glass in a L'Chaim. 

"This is good," he responded. "A boy like you, with a kippa on his head mingling with people who are different, this is what we need. True love for your brethren. That's what's most important for us, especially with this being the beginning of a month of happiness that was derived from our unity as a people." (The Jewish month of Adar, the month of the Purim holiday as well as important victories of the Hasmoneans of Channukah). 

We sat there in silence for a minute, while I pondered the question that so many ask me, and analyzed my response. I was reminded of a story told by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, and decided to share it with Ayal.

"One year, as Yom Kippur approached, a little chassid named Moishele packed up his horse, kissed his wife and children goodbye, and set off to see his rabbi. This was the one time of the year that he had the chance to do so, and Moishele was eager to see his spiritual leader's holy face. He spurred his horse passed the Polish forests and countryside, arriving at the Rebbe's house before any of the other followers. Excitedly, he knocked on the door.

The door swung open to reveal the long bearded rabbi, who took one look at Moishele and ordered him away. 

'Leave Moishele. I don't want you here. The last thing that I want is to spend Yom Kippur with you. Get out of my house immediately!'

The words were spit out with such ferocity, that Moishele barely even realized that he has saddled up his horse. Dissapointed and downtrodden, he began his slow journey home. To ease his sorrow, he stopped at the kretchma, the local inn, and ordered himself a shot.  

Inside the kretchma, the chassidim who were on their way had congregated and were drinking, singing, and dancing with a passion. When they saw Moishele's face they had to ask what had happened. After he had unraveled his tale, one of his chassidic brothers clapped him on the shoulders and declared:

'Moishele, this is indeed a travesty, and therefore you must drink a L'Chaim with me.'

The others agreed, and soon Moishele found himself spinning around the room, rosy cheeked and optimistic, while his friends blessed him with rowdy "L'Chaims" ("To life").

"You know Moishele," the others said to him, "according to Jewish law, anything that the baal habayit (master of the house) says to a guest, the guest must do. Except if he tells him to leave. Come back to the rebbe with us. At the very least maybe he will give you an explanation as to his behavior. 

Clearly at this point Moishele was in no state to argue, so with a little help he re-saddled his horse and began the journey back to see his rabbi. As soon as he arrived on the doorstep Moshe began to tremble with fear.Suddenly,  the door threw itself open.

'Moishele!' the rebbe screamed with delight, enveloping him in a great bear hug, 'I'm so glad to see you!'

Stunned by the rabbi's spit-personality, Moishe stammered out a request for an explanation. 

'Ah, you see my dear Moishele," the rabbi began, "when you had first arrived, the malach hamavet, the angel of death, hovered above your head. I knew that you wouldn't make it through Neila (the closing prayer of Yom Kippur), and wanted you to spend your last hours with your family. But when your friends blessed you L'Chaim, they pushed Death away for years and years. With friends like these, you could live forever."

Chodesh tov! L’Chaim! May it be a month of unity and true living.

Live at the Slow

Recently I began tending bar once a week at “Slow Moshe,” the neighborhood pub in Nachlaot. A recount of the eventful, and retrospectively humorous, first shift in the works. Below is tonight’s experience. Enjoy!

Three in the morning and I’m finally beginning to close up the Slow Moshe. After a disastrous first shift a week ago, which ended with me releasing all of the gas from the taps, tonight was smooth (B”H). Nonetheless, it’s test season, and I’m ready to count out the tips and go to bed. Swiftly, I begin to peruse the bottles, lifting them to the light and feeling their weight, recording those whose time has come. As I begin to suds-up my hands for my next task, Chanan walks in.

Chanan is a Yemenite who was chozer b’sheala (left religious Judaism) and then chozer b’teshuva (returned to religious Judaism). We met the other night as I was re-training to ensure that no issues would occur in future shifts. Somewhere along the winding path of his religion, this Teimani learned to speak Yiddish and developed a taste for chazzanut (cantorial music). Although his favorite is Moshe Koussevitsky (who I have only heard on a few occasions) and mine is Yosseleh Rosenblatt, we were quick to bond over our love of religious music.

“Is it too late to have a beer?” he asks, and the look on his face tells me that I can answer in the negative, but that he would appreciate a cold bottle.

I tell him to have a seat. I have time before I finish closing up. Besides, this is a great opportunity to connect with a customer- an important tool in the world of service.

“Just a cigarette’s worth of time and I’ll be gone,” he assures me.

My hand slides open the fridge and pulls out one of the remaining Goldstars. Upon his request I hand him a glass as well.

Closing hours and clean up require music that gets you moving. As soon as I started moving chairs, I shuffled my iPod to the 120 song playlist of groove music- an eclectic combo of classic rock, blues, funk, emo, and punk. Seven minutes later, the length of a cigarette in legal army terms (for the record), Channan reappears with glass and bottle in hand.

“Tell me,” he says with a chuckle, “you don’t feel like cleaning with Koussevitsky?”

“To be honest, I don’t have any,” I reply, “but if you’d like Yosseleh, I have his whole collection with me.”

His face freezes.

“For real?”

“Sure. I’ll put it on.”

After reassuring him that Yosseleh could never be a bother a clean up session, or any other time of the day for that matter, I make the extreme transition from the Offspring to the greatest cantor the world has known. Ad Heno, taken from the Shabbat morning prayer-service and composed by Rosenblatt in an aria-esque style, is both a personal and family favorite. Rosenblatt’s versatile voice slowly fills the empty bar. He jumps from major to minor, all the while twilling the notes, rising and falling at will. Like a dove on blast of thermal air, he glides and maneuvers seamlessly through a swirling prayer of thanks that is an appropriate end to my successful night.

In between glances at the “to do” checklist, I look over at Chanan. His eyes are closed and his facial expression is one of depth, connection, and concentration.

“Could I have another beer?” he asks. “You put on music that was too good for me to leave.”

Gladly, I reach into the icy heaven of bottles and pop another one open for him.

Chanan’s “just a cigarette and beer” unfolds into six gorgeous tracks. Over the course of two brews and a few Marlboros, Yosseleh manages to wind us through various Sabbath and High Holiday prayers. Each track give off hints of vinyl crackle; cobwebs of a time that met a quick and painless digital ending, but like an old wine cask, always stays relevant and classy. While pushing a broom over the dirty floor, a surreal sensation overtakes me- peaceful and dreamlike. Monday night in a Jerusalem bar, in front of a diverse crowd of two, and over alcohol, tobacco, and cleaning products, the great Yosseleh Rosenblatt returned to life.

The Price Tag of the Price Tags

Periodically I look around Jerusalem and try to understand what it must look like from an outsider’s perspective. My neighborhood specifically, Nachalaot, offers a plethora of diversity. Black cloaked chassidim pass the colorful hippies and hipsters on the street. Secular students head for a beer in the same direction that the religious students walk towards to pray, while other religious students try to figure out where they can catch a service that is quick enough to allow them to catch up to their beer-swilling friend. I take it for granted that there is such a variety here, but every once in a while I peel my eyes open and am amazed.

Clothing to me does not make the man, but often times I take things to a higher level and try to understand the true differences between us. For some reason I seem to understand people who wear heavy layers of clothing in the summer out of a religious belief more than I can people who dress like me but hurly their heavy layers of religious beliefs at others.

Recently, one of my campers from two summers ago emailed me to ask me about my experiences and feelings with regards to the disengagement of 2005- a topic that was and still is very confusing for me. That was a summer that found me caught in a conflict between a belief in the inherent holiness of Israel’s land and a desire for peace and security for the Jewish people. As I recounted to my chanicha, for me a Jewish soul was more holy than the Jewish land, which is why I was not completely against the disengagement. To be clear, I was not for the disengagement either, especially because it involved uprooting fellow Jews from their homes, something that infracted upon my previously mentioned belief of caring for others. Nonetheless, as the rabbis who would become my roshei yeshiva would tell their students serving in the army at the time, I believed then that (theoretically speaking) I would not disobey orders. If told to do so, with a heavy heart I would remove Jews from their homes.

The hitnatkut took place over six years ago already and in many ways my view has changed. Hindsight, as we all know, is 20-20 (or 6-6 in Israel), and it has affected my stance. Last year during a car-ride that I had hitched from Latrun to Jerusalem, the drivers routinely asked me a bit about myself. When I mentioned that I was in a Hesder yeshiva (a program that combines yeshiva learning with army service) they asked me what the “hesder” (Hebrew for arrangement) was- would I or would I not participate in pinuiim. My answer was no, but my hesitation revealed that I had not completely accepted my new answer. They warned me that those few seconds of thought would be my undoing if faced with such a situation, and that a Jew should never uproot another Jew.

Yesterday’s events in the Efraim territories have once again caused me to question my stance. Personally I do not think I could participate as a soldier in removing someone from their home. I also cringe at the thought of giving up land. It failed in the past, and yes, I believe that we have a claim to Israel and should be living in all of her nooks and crannies. For me it is hard to point fingers in this situation. Truth be told I wouldn’t mind letting whoever wants to camp out on a hilltop do so (provided they understand the security risk that they put themselves in). It hurts to hear about another evacuation.

But the behavior of the noar gvaot, the hilltop youth, hurts more. At the end of the day, unity as a people takes priority and demands sacrifice. Five families do not compare to the communities that were destroyed in Gush Katif. We elect our leadership and grant them executive decisions. If the majority of the people chose a leader who takes a stance that I don’t agree with, then I will yell and protest, but when the day comes, I will not fight them. A holy land without a united people is worth nothing.

Noa Mandelbaum, an expert in special needs education, once taught me that we all have eyes, brains, and hearts. The difference between a good teacher and a bad teacher is in knowing how to use them. One who knows how to look around, analyze a situation, and understand the emotional intensity of a situation is the one who will be able to give the proper response. I see and feel anger all around me. Not just with regards to the debate over land rights and security, but in debates about other religious issues (the most prominent being those of women’s rights and modesty laws in Judaism).

Back in 2005 we feared that the disengagement would lead to civil war. We were granted about five year of quiet, possibly out of the shock and trauma of that summer, but the fear and frustration that were planted in the Gush Katif uprooting have begun to sprout into hate. Jewish soldiers have been attacked with rocks, Molotov cocktails, and the rest of the DIY arsenal, and forced to counter-attack fellow Jews. Religion, what should be the bond of the Jewish people, has once more become the ironic source of rift. The dati leumi (“Modern Orthodox”) world is tearing at her seams- and this is only one faction of the religious world in Israel!

The easy path is to protest the protesters, funneling all of the aggravation that they are causing us back at them. Justice is served and all of the injured, be it physically or egotistically, are avenged. Our challenge is to analyze the dynamics of the struggle and keep our emotions in check; to add thought to sight and emotion. Stay cool, boy. There is a big picture that we must be mindful of; a nation whose survival and being revolve around unity.

Living with people whose opinions are far more radical than yours is much more difficult than living with people who dress in a different fashion. Should we let rioters walk? Absolutely not! But at the same time, these are people whose roots, both physically and spiritually, are the same as everyone’s, and both sides are hurting. Few of us will actually stand face to face with a protester from the other camp, whatever side it may be, but every day we battle them in our discussions with friends. How we describe them and relate to them in words is what paints our vision of reality. Demeaning them in thought and speech will eventually result in a tangible hate, something that we just cannot afford.

This week’s parasha (weekly torah portion) deals with the first Jewish family to be torn apart by anger and frustration. Both Joseph’s slandering and his brothers’ jealousy and hate were guilty in causing the rift that lead the first Israelis into Egypt, the original diaspora. Years later it is our responsibility to fix their mistakes.