יום שלישי, 28 ביולי 2009

The Big Picture

Since Monday my yeshiva has been touring around Jerusalem in preparation for the ninth of Av. For those of you who are not familiar with the fast of the ninth of Av, I will briefly explain:

According to Jewish tradition the ninth day of the Hebrew month of Av is the day when the greatest tragedies of the Jewish people happened. The most famous of all tragedies of course is the destruction of the two Temples. Every year on the ninth of Av, the Jewish people fast to commemorate and memorialize the loss of our holy center, and the beginning of the Diaspora.
 
Our first tour was through the parallel neighborhoods of Mishkanot Sh'ananim and Yemin Moshe, the first two neighborhoods to be established outside of the walls of the old city. After speaking to us about the various known names who established the outer neighborhoods (Moses Montifiore', Yoel Moshe Solomon, etc.), most of whom are familiar to Israelis from the various streets that have been named in their honor, our tour guide stopped in front of a seemingly innocent building on the border of the two neighborhoods. Here he told us the story of a man whose heroism deserves a street sign, but received almost nothing.

Almost every Israeli can tell you the story of the "Lamed Hey," The thirty five soldiers of the Palmach and Chish underground armies who were infamously ambushed and killed on their way from Jerusalem to Gush Etzion. What most Israelis do no know is that the thirty five were supposed to be thirty six. 

Avraham Michael Kirschenbaum was a member of the Hagana underground who was raised in Yemin Moshe. As a soldier he excelled and was soon promoted to be a squadron leader. After his squad leader training, he returned to Yemin Moshe and served as the commander of the neighborhood. In January of 1948, he received an order to join the thirty five on their mission. Realizing what an asset he was, on of the bigwigs of the neighborhood (whose name, unfortunately, escapes me) called up the heads of the underground and informed them that if  Kirschenbaum leaves, he would leave as well. 

Thus, Kirschenbaum was saved from the tragic death of the thirty five. Less than a month later though, he found himself and his neighborhood under attack by a gang of 50 Arabs who planned to torch the small neighborhood with buckets of kerosene. He quickly took control of the neighborhood and organized a squad to fight the gang off. In addition to commanding over the squad, Kirschenabum manned the Bren machine gun, the heaviest fire power that they had, and succeeded in killing multiple members of the Arab gang. 

While Kirschenbaum's men were fighting on the south end of Yemin Moshe, the British soldiers stationed in the King David Hotel realized what was going on, and opened fire on the small squad. By this time the threat had been quelled, and as Kirschenbaum stood up, he was wounded in his thigh by the British. He carried himself to the telephone station and dispatched an ambulance. Soon afterwards the medic appeared and began to treat his wounds. The medic realized that the ambulance would need to arrive at a higher location, near the famous windmill of Yemin Moshe, but had nobody to help him carry or offer firepower as a cover. The wounded Kirschenbaum not only carried himself all the way up the climb, but continued operating the Bren as he did so.

Soon after reaching the windmill Kirschenbaum was lifted by his brother (who had arrived several minutes beforehand)and the medic into the ambulance. As he was on the stretcher being placed on the ambulance, a British sniper opened fire on Kirschenbaum. Seconds before he could be treated, Avraham Michael Kirschenabum, the man who single handedly saved Yemin Moshe, was killed. 

His story of bravery does not end there. At his funeral, a member of the Etzel underground (a rival to the Hagana that Kirschenbaum was a member of) declared that Kirschenbaum was one of their soldiers who went by the nickname of "Tamir." The people who had gathered were shocked, after all he was a member of the rival Hagana! It seemed that Kirschenbaum knew no boundaries when it came to the blood of his fellows Jews. Not only was he a member of both the Hagana and the Etzel, when members of the Lechi underground came to Yemin Moshe on a mission, Kirschenbaum secretly covered them despite the Hagana orders. After he died, all three of the underground factions hung signs in his memory. He was the only fighter to ever be given such an honor. 

Unfortunately, his inability to bind himself to one organization, his fierce need to defend all Jews even if it meant party lines, angered the Hagana, who would erase his file. The bench instated by the city of Jerusalem in the neighborhood that he died for was eventually moved, and all that stands in honor of this Jewish hero is a little tin sign in Yemin Moshe that his sister pays rent for.

What speaks to me about this story, other than the bravery and sacrifice that this man made for his and my people, is the fact that he was punished for seeing the bigger picture. In his book on the destruction of the Temple, Rav Benny Kalmanson, one of the heads of my yeshiva discusses the same exact issue, and declares it as being one of the main reasons for the destruction of Jerusalem. 

In the infamous story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza (in short- Kamtza is invited to his enemy's party instead of Bar Kamtza and shamefully sent away in front of many of the sages of the time, whereupon he decided to seek revenge by maiming an offering sent by Caesar to the Jews and therefore invalidating it as a kosher offering) Rabbi Zechariah ben Avkalus rules that Caesar's sacrifice cannot be used and that the messenger cannot be killed to maintain the secrecy of the issue. His reasoning is purely so that the laws of sacrifice will remain intact. He chooses to look at the little picture of Jewish law, instead of the bigger fate of the Jewish people, and therefore dooms his people. 

Similarly, the zealots of Jerusalem, enraged by the fact that the sages refused consent to war with those besieging them, burned down the store housed that had been amassed within the city. These storehouses were no mere pantries, rather so full of food that the Jews within the holy city could have lasted a twenty year siege. The quality of living was so good that they had multiple grains to choose from, oil, and wine. Had the storehouses remained in tact, Jerusalem could have comfortably withstood the siege until it took its toll on the Romans. Instead, in order to force the hand of the Jewish people in the direction that they saw fit, the zealots burned down the storehouses, and the rest unfortunately, is history. 

Throughout the years of the siege, only the great Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakai was able to see past personal desires and make the painful decision to sacrifice the soul-less Temple in order to establish the yeshiva in Yavneh and maintain the soul of the Jewish people. Only he was able to see that in the long run the spiritual survival of his people required forsaking the building that the Temple had been reduced to. 

Have we changed? The optimist in me likes to think that we have gotten a bit better, the pessimist knows that we haven't. Politically, many of our so called leaders will try anything to gain the powers. Although I personally think that Bibi is doing surprisingly well, most of our politicians are only politicians; people who crave power and manipulate the system and citizens into giving it to them. They seem not to concerned with the "full picture," the greater good of the Jewish people, rather they worry about what will give them their seat and say in the Knesset. 

Over the past month, the "modern religious" community in Israel was split by the comments of Rabbi Yehoshua Shapiro, the more right wing head of the yeshiva in Ramat Gan, who accused certain religious rabbis and their followers of practicing "Neo-Reform" practices that go against halacha. The comments lead to arguments between Rabbi Shapiro and figures in the less right community such as Rabbi Yuval Sherlo and Rabbi Yoel bin Nun.  I do not want to discuss the issues that were brought up, nor do I want to state my opinion as what is right or wrong. These arguments though are another example of failing to see the big picture. As Rav Re'em HaCohen, the second head of my yeshiva said, 
"Why are we fighting again? And during the weeks leading up to the ninth of Av?"

Do we not have enough enemies? Are the political issues that we have from the Obama office and the rest of the world not enough? Why are we fighting each other to the death over relatively petty issues in Halachic interpretation when the fate of the country and the Jewish people is constantly at stake? Isn't this the time to be united?

On Friday night Rav Re'em spoke about the ban of the private altars in ancient Jewish ritual life. At one point in Jewish history it was permitted to sacrifice on private altars. It might seem tragic that such a personal service to G-d was banned and that only the large communal sacrifice was allowed, but this is actually the essence of the Jewish people. Worshipping G-d does not occur through a single entity. Only a full and united nation can properly serve G-d, each individual with his or her unique voice, but ultimately, (as was so aptly stated in the movie Drumline) "one band, one sound." 

Tradition tells us that one day the ninth of Av will turn into a day of happiness. It is on this day that the Messiah is said to come and bring us back to our former glory. But this days will not come if we cannot see the Avraham Michael Kirschenbaums for the heroes that they are and if we continue to argue about our personal opinions rather than thinking of the bigger picture. May this be the last ninth of Av spent on our own altars and may next year we be truly together in a rebuilt and reunited Jerusalem.

יום חמישי, 23 ביולי 2009

Square One- The Infamous Shidduch Incident

BS”D

 

Life is a sequence of stories. It's a shame if you don't stop to write them down. I'm probably paraphrasing/stealing that from somewhere, but for now the source seems original, so I will claim it to be my own. 

 Twelve-thirty in the morning and I am typing like Mavis Beacon with insomnia. Why? Like I said, it's a shame not to stop and write it all down. In the beginning of my IDF army service I began writing emails to friends and family about the experience. Something was coming through loud and clear through the black pixels, and I developed an addiction to chronicling the important events of the week. Now, two years later, free and back in yeshiva, the hunger to record, to craft and develop the unfathomable, intangible, and ineffable into a couple of neat squares of composition is still burning. The subject matter is less sexy, but there are still plenty of ridiculous things that happen in life. You just have to have a little bit of self-humor, no shame, and a little pocket on your sleeve to wear your heart in. 

What do I mean? Let me give you an example:

This is a story that happened to me a little over a year ago. Those who know me can attest to my being an incredibly hopeless romantic. Unfortunately, coupled with the dream of finding one girl to shower with love for the rest of my life comes a severe case of low self esteem, disabling me from ever picking up, let alone say hello to, the girl on the bus/street corner/doctor’s office/or wherever else girls seem to roam these days. What is a nice religious Jewish boy to do? One horrible and strangely pronounced word: “Shidduch.”

A shidduch is an arranged date. In the more religious Jewish communities people actually pay a matchmaker to set them up with someone. There are a whole bunch of complex dos and do-nots  which we won't get into now. In the more modern religious world, a shidduch is usually just a blind date set up by a mutual friend who thinks that there is potential chemistry between the two.

My first real shidduch as a young adult who actually has marriage somewhere on his radar was a-spoiler alert- bomb (not to be confused with the positive connotations of “the bomb”). Of course, considering how it came about, it really should come as no surprise. Like I said before, traditionally in the modern religious world, friends like to play matchmaker. In my embarrassing case, my aunt filled in.

I was on leave from advanced training in the IDF to visit my family in a certain town in NJ. On one visit to my aunt's house (don't be offended Lisa, this has become the story of your Wailing Nephew) she excitedly began to tell me about  a "friend" that she had in Israel that she would like me to "meet up" with. This initially struck me as strange. 

“My aunt has a friend my age?" I thought, "How does that work? Wait a minue, is she trying to "set me up"?

Lisa proceeded to describe this "friend."

“She's a really good girl."

 

Hmm... flattering the girl. Definitely sounds like Lisa's been toying around with the matchbox.

“She reminds me a lot of you. She’s very musical, artistic, and cultured.”

The comparison. Getting warmer…

“She had been dating someone for three years, but a month ago they broke up.”

Oh yeah, that is one big-ass burning match that my aunt is holding in her hand. This is definitely a shidduch.

Lisa continued to tell me that it would be really nice if I would take her out somewhere and she’ll even give me some money to do so. That takes care of a big issue, but the elephant that nobody likes to ask was still there; namely is the elephant a figment of my imagination, or what she looks like.

I hold my sarcastic uncle to be a good judge of “character.” When he looked at me and said, “You want to date this one,” I knew that I did. And why not? My aunt promised to cover the cost of dinner, she sounds good on paper, and the uncle rated her high on the “superficial, it’s not really important, aw who the Hell are we kidding? is she hot or not” chart. You only live once right?

Something like that…

Back in Israel, I was ecstatic with the big news. Immediqtely, I called this girl, and while pacing in my tiny kitchen(ette) explained who I was and asked, in these words, if she would “like to meet up.” (Come on, who actually says, “Do you want to go out on a date?” I’m 20, she’s 19, we’re not really at the age where we go meet up to paint pottery and have platonic relationships. It’s pretty clear what “meeting up” is really about.) We set a date for two weeks later, after her parents had finished their visit with her.

Two weeks flew by pretty fast considering what I had been doing. While this mystery girl had been vacationing with her parents, I was charging up hilltops and wasting cardboard targets as part of my “war week,” the most intense of all weeks in IDF battalion training. After two sleepless days with sparse rations, and every manner of company exercise they could throw at us, I was ready for a nice weekend at home. With my aunt’s “friend” of course.

Naturally, all of the guys in my platoon knew about this date. I drove them crazy by talking about it all week. Before going home, they all patted me on the back and wished me luck on Saturday. I was still a little squeamish; the situation was still kind of unclear and too good to be true. Nonetheless, Saturday night came round, and I suited up in true wailing fashion. Short sleeved, pin striped, white button down shirt, my trademark red striped blue tie, jeans, and my sweater sleeved suade jacket (or “swacket”). Damn I looked good…

We had agreed to meet in the Old City where she was studying, and I had just entered through the Jaffa gate when my phone rang. It was Lea, a mutual friend other than my aunt whom I had been trying to extract information from (and my 11th grade ex, but that’s another story).

“Yoni,” she said, “I’m so sorry that I’m only calling you now. I meant to call you as soon as Shabbat ended, but I completely forgot. Are you on the date yet?”

“No, I’m on my way to pick her up, why?”

(By the way, some guys pick girls up for dates in Cadillacs, I pick ‘em up with my feet. And they damned well better bring theirs along with them ‘cause that’s the way we roll in Israel.)


“She has a boyfriend.”

 

I am at the entrance of the holiest neighborhood in Jerusalem, and I am cursing like a submarine sailor who has just been told that he will be swabbing the toilets underwater while his friends go home to play.

“What the f*** am I doing? How the Hell is this possible? Oh my G-d, this is my G-d d**** weekend. What the Hell? Didn’t she break up with him?”

“I’m sorry I know you were looking forward to this, but she even said to me, ‘What does he think this is a shidduch?”

This would be when the hero of the story turns around and goes home. But no, our hero clenches his teeth, and despite all of his friends advising him to call in sick, that idiot goes onto meet her.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” the honestly good looking girl says to me. “And it’s so funny that we both know Lea. You know she was talking to me today about us meeting up and how it’s kind of awkward….”

“Yeahhh… what exactly are we doing tonight?”

Apparently she really had broken up with her three year boyfriend like Lisae had said. Only she began dating her best friend a couple of months later. When she had spoke to my aunt it sounded like a good idea at that early fleeting stage of freedom.

Never have I thanked G-d for involving me in acting as I did that night. I was polite, conversational, and even charming despite the fact that I wanted to scream. If you have never gone on a date where you think you are going out for dinner and she just wants “orange juice and chocolate cake,” you do not know the meaning of frustration. You have to play this game of trying to decide what you want until she orders. Her order lets you know where you stand in terms of how she views the date. Suffice it to say, the lavish meal that I had planned on ordering in the cute ambient café was reduced to a bowl of soup.

 Unbelievably, as we ate, she actually asked questions about my life. What is the army like? What are my passions? What do I want to do professionally? In all honesty, if it hadn’t been for the very clear tip off that she was going to say no, I would have asked her on a second date. She was smart, cultured, and as good looking as they said she was. But she also seemed to be slightly scratched, as they say in this country.

After walking her back we continued to talk more. I don’t think I have ever wasted so many words in my life. There they were, shiny hovering pearls of charm, wisdom, and wit, falling to the ground to rot. Finally she excused herself to take care of a friend suffering from a bad night, but told me to give her a call the next time I was out.

Yah, ‘cause I just love hanging out with taken girls whil my time until I return to the army ticks down.

 I was happy to get moving. I also had a friend to take care of after bad night-me. Drink therapy was in session with my friends. Remarkably enough there was a sale on a beer and chaser for only 30 NIS, the exact amount left over from the money that my aunt had given me. (Yes, just because I knew that things could not get anymore awkward I paid for the meal, and got her to cringe).  Talk about a sign from G-d…

 Somehow, mind you not without a lot of red-faced guffawing , I managed to return to the army and face my friends with the story. Until this day it remains a favorite of various friends and their parents, although I’m still trying to understand what happened that night.

 

See? Stories are everywhere. It's a shame if you don't write them down.